Like all teen-age boys who are not vampires, my son has a self-image as fragile as the skin that lies between Edward's fangs and his Most Desired's aorta. To think that there are millions of Edward fans out there drooling over that pale and tragic vampire, while my son sits at home alone on most evening finally got to him. "I don't know what they see in him! He's...gross!"
"Well, you're not a teen-age girl, and a lot of them really like his looks." I responded
Poor kid stood their silent for a brief second, and finally, in an attempt to preserve his own self-image and with the competitive spirit indwelling all males of our species, my oldest son sputtered, "I've got a bunion. I bet HE doesn't have one."
No indeed, he does not.
Edward doesn't have fangs either.
ReplyDeleteTips for Teenage Boys Who Want To Imitate Edward:
ReplyDelete1. Brood.
2. Grow out your hair.
3. Don't make fart jokes.
4. Don't fart.
5. Develop a british accent. Then cover it up.
6. Be a loner.
7. Develop angst.
8. Be a gentleman.
9. Stare into girls' eyes.
10. Be polite.
11. Be respectful.
12. Act as if you think you are dangerous, but don't be dangerous.
13. Pay very very very close attention to the girl you are interested in.
14. Be very very interested in her.
15. Don't let anything distract you.
16. Wear body glitter, lipstick and guyliner.
17. Wear a peacoat.
18. Be concerned for your lady's safety.
19. Abstain.
20. Be protective. Hiss if necessary.